for the next go-around

i took milo to sing-a-long at the dean street cafe this morning with a couple of mom friends and their wee ones. its amazing to see how different the babes are, the 10 month old is walking! while milo's friend hannah sat contently and milo got bored and started his high pitched wails until he found the mirror behind us (always the mirror.. if they had mirror tattoos i would be all over that..) and made it through to the last song, a 'rock' rendition of the itsy bitsy spider..

anywhoo.. this is all to say that afterwards my friend julia and i took the kiddos to the nearby park for some quick swing action.. apparently every parent and nanny from our sing-a-long had the same brilliant idea and swings were taken so we sat awkwardly in the middle of the playground chatting while trying to keep the littles entertained without licking the tarmac.. julia and i got onto the subject of how big they were getting, how crazy it is this first year.. and when do we plan on having the next little ones, should we be so lucky.. ugh what a loaded question, eh? when i think about me and you and you and me i think -- oh, right away! lets make m a best friend.. but there is the other side, i like that i can focus on milo now, that he has all of me. that when he does something new i am watching it, that he is first on my mind.. there are good sides to having that not be the case, sure, but im not sure that i want things to happen so quickly that i can't soak in this unique time with my one and only. and though i can't imagine loving another baby remotely close to how i love m.. i can't imagine it.. i also know that all moms feel that way and according to our, very loving and devoted mum "your love just grows" so i will trust in that..

so it got me thinking that i should make a list for the next go-around, of the things i would want to tell myself.. here goes:

-you will probably have nursing issues again, unless you have a champion sucker who doesn't mind that mama's boobies resemble mountains with a tick tack on top.. if thats the case, you can stop reading now, but if you are knee-deep in nipple shields, spoon feeding, sores, poor latches and tears; give that babe a bottle. you were so afraid of giving m a bottle at first but really - your commitment to breastfeeding is strong but you have to give yourself a break.. m was able to latch because he got bigger, he got it. keep trying and keep at it but dont spend your days crying over it. it will get good again.

-don't invite everyone you know to the hospital and/or the apartment the first two weeks. give yourself and the hubs and the babies some time to adjust and to recover together. don't feel the great need to just 'be yourself' a day after giving birth - its huge and you will never quite be yourself again. give your family some time to be together without dishes and deep conversation. breath it in.

-try not to spend all of your time on your phone while you are nursing/babe is sleeping on you.. thats not to say that its bad to read a novel during those marathon nursing sessions or to dull your mind from the fact that your limbs have fallen asleep due to the little ones positioning - but - there is something to be said about being in the present.

-ask for help. take help. dont be humble about it. you will give it back.

-trust in your body that it will get back to where it needs to be. don't feel bad that the water weight is making you look like the hulk.. go with it.. mu-mu it out and don't think twice.

-if you have decided to do a hospital birth and you are in your labor room and its hurting real bad.. get that epidural. stat.

i'm sure in the next few weeks i'll have more to add to this list, but i wanted to get it out while it was still lingering in my head..

**and don't feel bad when certain people tell you not to let the little sleep on you.. because one day they wont and you will ache for it.

the moments between only us

for the past couple of nights, M's nursing sessions have shortened dramatically. aside from the fact that this pretty much guarantees a plugged duct, it made me.. well.. SAD. this is our thing, our nightly ritual - bath, jammies, sleep sack, lullaby, nursing, rocking, bed. i'm not sure if its teething, developmental things, the fact that our co-sleeping means that he is nursing more in the middle of the night, or it may be the new lovey "nancy" that has distracted my boy from the boob. so tonight as i was rocking him, he was squirming around and i thought, oh, he just wants to be in his bed, he doesn't want to be rocked. it took me a while to figure that out and when i put him down he rolled onto his belly and wiggled his bum and prepared for sleep. and i stood above him, my sweet baby boy, in his little crib, and i watched him, and i didn't know what to do with myself because our nighttime routine is clearly not only for him, apparently i need it, too.

on monday M will be 9 months.. 9 months in, 9 months out.. amazing. solids are slowly taking over, new tastes and textures are more exciting then the same old milk. i hope to always be comfort to him, but now with the crawling, he's all about moving.. sometimes away from me.. usually away from me.. and i know we're in the midst of great changes - extraordinary changes, development, mil(o)stones.. but im realizing how much i love these quiet moments.. the dark room, the noise machine, M in my arms, the nursing that in the beginning was so hard, that has become so wonderful, who's end might be near, those moments.. oh those moments.. i will never forget a night of it. every time i question my decisions about staying home i think of our evenings together, of being in that room, brushing his hair back as he nurses, his little breaths between sips, humming a dylan or marley tune to him, nothing else mattering, just us.. only us..

shopping spreeeeeeeeee

oh after the beeday there are a few dollars to be spent (really, just a few).. my exciting purchase will be an elfa shelf for our living room, despite my best intention to stay a little more stylish at home, its practical and practical wins over anything else when you have a little crawler on your hands..
i also just ordered a few things from american apparel for Milo's summertime wardrobe.
and i just might have enough to buy myself a new shade of nail polish.. pedi's are out of the budget this season.. le sigh.

the finger family!

i ordered our little family a custom portrait on etsy. its in the mail now but the artist just sent me a sneak peek.. it looks nothing like any of us, and i begrudgingly had the cats painted in at the last minute.. but i love it.. i'm excited to hang it in Milo's nursery and i love the idea of getting a different piece of artwork every few years to document the changing (and perhaps growing!) family..

craving neutral

                                                                scarf. toms. hat. sunnies.

belly, must i cover you now?

i by no means have any sort of perfect body.. i'm not even going to go there and discuss the issues i have, because we all have something and i'm giving this body a break, i made a baby and therefore i'm going to have a little love for this body of mine, imperfect as it may be..

but the belly..

now that's one thing i always counted on. yes, i had to suck it in like most of us on planet earth, but the belly was one part of me that i could rely on. but now post-baby, its, shall we say, different. there is loose skin and stretch spots and sucking in doesn't do its magic any longer. im contemplating a one-piece for those rare occasions that anyone other than family + close friends see me in basically my knickers.. a few i'm eyeing

(clockwise from left) 1// 2 // 3

Charlie and I had so much fun having family in town... not to mention a set of wheels to whiz us around Washington D.C. We got to stroll through different neighborhoods, test restaurants with the stroller; Charlie frequented his first toy store, and I conquered breastfeeding in public (or survived it anyway). That old saying 'It takes a village,' feels particularly potent after each of these (too short) visits. Alone with my little dude, I am suddenly reminded of how daunting the simplest of tasks can feel when you're flying solo. Today, Charlie and I are working through these transition blues by lingering in our pajamas a little longer than usual, and I am trying to remember how brave I am capable of being. Here are a few snap shots from our weekend adventures- any interest in a trip down south(ish) soon?