on THOSE things..

There are more than a few things that scare me about being a mom. Most are involving safety and what-ifs, the other are considerably more silly and based around self-consciousness. Lumpy solid foods. Bathing M by myself (which I pat myself on the back for every.single.night). Outlets. Cords. Litter on the floor. Iron in the diet. The list goes on.. Then there are the weirder ones like.. Taking M on the swings by myself. I have taken him a few times with my friend Maia, and often run into her on the street where she has just taken her daughter, alone. For some reason, taking my little infant who can't really partake in much of the playground activities, putting him in a (probably way too big) swing, trying to swing him enough to make him smile but not tip forward.. it just seemed intimidating, to say the least. Amongst those professional mama's and nannies, I felt insecure. But the first day of Spring came, and despite the bitter wind and gray day, I stuffed my little man in his hand-me-down snowsuit and to the swings we went.

At first it was a little awkward, I'm not going to lie. He is a bit too small for the swing, doesn't totally get it, and all of the moms seemed to be congregating to the other side of the swings.. so of course I worried that I was on the 'bad' side. But then M started smiling, looking around, the chilly March wind hitting his face, he got into the rhythm and I stopped worrying so much, and right then a nice mama with a 19-month old (side note: when do we stop counting months??) put her little girl, Lake, in the swing next to us and we chatted for a while about those things moms talk about.. I asked her a million things about sleep and development.. when the swings became less amusing, I got him into the Ergo without making a total ass of myself (only a semi-ass..) and we went on our merry way. Yes, most people can take their babes to the park and it aint no thang. But I couldn't help but pat myself on the back a little, anyway.