Nip Slip

Some easy-access finds for the summer..

Anthropologie - $78

Anthropologie - $138

Anthropologie - $98

Anthropologie -$148

Anthropologie -$89

Anthropologie -$148

Uniqlo -$19.90

Uniqlo -$12.90

summer shoes for the baby carrier

Since my little M came in at 21 pounds at the 10-month check-up, once that boy is strapped into his Ergo there is very little bending over that can happen. So this summer, my goal is to find the most comfortable sandals that can be slipped on and can be considered cute (please note that I find granny shoes cute so please know that I use this term loosely). Here is what I found:

Worishofer sandals.. Yes, the ubiquous German comfort shoe. I've been wearing them for years and am hoping that the irony isn't lost now that I am a mom. (I just ordered this pair)

No. 6 Sandals.. I spent this winter in the boot version and managed to not trip on ice while pushing the stroller, but I admit that I wasn't brave enough to wear them with the carrier.. That said, plenty of Brooklyn mamas are sporting high clogs with their littles, so I know it can be done!

Bensimon's.. Europe's answer to Vans.. pretty comfy, easy to get on and off and comes in neutral and bright colors. These Old Navy cheapies are almost as cute and 1/4 of the price.

The Everlane Summer Sandal is a safe bet.. Comes in tan and black so you don't need to think about it clashing with your duds, has a flat sole  and although is not technically a 'slip-on' the strap fastener looks like you could do it one-handed.

Ancient Greek Sandals.. Comes in a ton of styles and colors (love the gold leather) 

Birkenstock Gizeh.. OK, so I went there.. but there is a reason you see so many ladies in the city wearing these.. they are damn comfortable! I just saw a woman wearing a chic black and white outfit with this bright pair. Neon green is not a color I am usually drawn to, but it looked fantastic and made me reconsider my next pair. 

Books for the Boys

When we were visiting mom, I was rummaging through the guest room looking for a book to read to Munch before bed. My jaw literally dropped when I found my beloved copy of Englebert the Elephant. I immediately texted dad that the book had not been lost, as we had assumed, and he quickly replied, "to relieve her royal boredom, the Queen announced a ball," which is the first line of the story and might give some indication of how many times he had to read this to us. I was so excited to share the story with Charlie. As you might imagine, at six months, he was hardly the most captive audience; but we forged through it, and ever since I have been getting giddy imagining all the great books and movies we have to look forward to experiencing with our little guys. I recently ordered The Red Balloon, for fear that it might become a challenge to find, and even though television is (allegedly) so dreadful... I'm really excited for the day we can watch this flick together!

Watching Love Unfold

Apologies for my recent silence. Its been one of those funky weeks; a heat wave, a huge fight that I am still processing, all night teething, a sinus infection. Its not to say that its been all bad, peanut is starting to cruise, standing on anything and everything and everybody and its wonderful to watch. Although its stressful, too, because there have been bumps and toppling over and letting it happen goes so against your nature but sometimes you just have to let them fall, let them figure it out. All this just to say that I am thoroughly exhausted, and as I write this its 10:02AM.

But I am noticing something kind of spectacular. Something I didn't know I would be able to literally see. I am watching a love story. A love happening between L and M that is beyond any words I can muster up - sleep deprived or not. 

L has always been a wonderful dad. In a way, he has been a more natural nuturer than I have been. Our second night in the hospital together (the first that he could stay over) after the fifth wheeling in of our little one, who was hungry but couldn't latch, L swaddled him up and put M on his chest, covered them with a warm blanket and slept like that. For hours. They slept peacefully and I watched them and felt confusion and all sorts of things that you might feel after giving birth and not sleeping and not being able to nurse and hurting and loving. He has always been kind, he was the master swaddler in the early days, now he is the master rocker at night. He carries M on his shoulders and tosses him in the air, he secretly feeds him almond croissants in the morning while I 'sleep in' and he carries him in the ergo while he works, oblivious to M's tuggings of noses and hair. He is a rockstar dad, and though I was kind of expecting it, it really does blow me away.

But.. he's also the dad. He doesn't wake at M's first cry, he has aways been the 'leave him in his crib and let him cry he's fine' one between the two of us, after a few glasses of wine he would rather talk politics than the sweetness of the back of M's head, with new curls springing up daily. 

Until yesterday. Something happened yesterday, something subtle but I watched it. I put M down for his morning nap. Usually he goes right out, might hum a bit or do his mama's and dada's, but its pretty soon he will be in dreamland. But yesterday was all tears, cries, wails. We could see in his video monitor that he was sitting up in his crib, crying, pleading. I went to the bathroom to distract myself with a shower, all the while hearing L's "Leave him in his crib and let him cry" line going in my head.. repeating.. even now, 10 months in, those cries are needles pricking into my every pore. When the water was off there were still cries. So I stayed in the bathroom a few extra minutes, hoping he would be asleep any moment. I had left the door cracked to let the steam out and make sure I could hear everything, and I see L walk into the room and silence. M is silent. I look in the monitor and there is L, rocking M, there is M closing his eyes, and L keeps holding him and looking at him, and I SEE it. I could see it. I could see a dad falling in love. Deep. When L emerged, his eyes were wet and he said "I just love him so much, I love him so much" and I knew exactly what was happening. Because it had happened to me, earlier, but not instantly. And I think by and large it may happen to dads a little bit later. They might need the time to settle into their role, to share their partners body that was once more theirs, to understand what all of the fuss was about. I fell slowly and softly in love, with mixed feelings and fear and worry. L fell hard and fast, and just like that, we spent our last night with too much wine and talking about the dimples on M's elbows and the noises he makes when he's happy. So here is one of the simplest, complicated, deepest loves between a father and son. I gave M a good one. It wasn't all bad, its really all good.

Date Night

Last night Ben and I went on our first post-baby date. We met up with (new) friends at a restaurant downtown. I got to wear a dress not equipped for breastfeeding, chew my food, indulge in an extra glass of wine, and have real conversation. Ben and I were practically giddy on the ride home; it had been such a thrill to spend a night out with other adults, and (momentarily) come up for air from the vast sea, that is parenting. I am now a date night devotee. As hard as it was to leave Charlie, and wonder (and worry) how we handle our absence? I am officially convinced that it is imperative for our relationship to seize the opportunities to enjoy each other and embrace new things.

Positive Thinking

I am not naturally the most positive person. That's kind of a hard thing to admit about oneself, but it's true. This is not to say that I have a gloomy disposition, I just tend to look at the glass as being almost full. I never really minded this about myself. I felt like it would be disingenuous to always claim 'happiness' even when circumstances were less than ideal, but lately (more specifically, since Charlie) I've started to be bothered by my lukewarm outlook. I have come to realize that a quality I genuinely admire in other people, is their positive perspective... It's a quality I would really love for Charlie to have. In acknowledging these truths, I have decided that even if it takes work, I am going to have to harness my own silver lining skills. At first this felt like an inauthentic ambition, but I think it's okay (even healthy) to admit that for some of us it takes more effort to see the good in the not so good.

Here are some ideas I am cultivating to combat negative thoughts.

1. Have you ever met someone who is a TRUE pessimist? The kind of person who only acknowledges what is wrong. I knew a guy like this in college; whenever my good friend and I (we were hardly optimists) ran into this gentleman on campus, we instantly turned into Suzy Sunshine. Our exchanges often went something like this:

GUY: This weather is miserable.
US: Isn't there something so cozy about a dark rainy day!
GUY: All of my professors are total jokes.
US: We have such a stimulating classes this semester!

You get the picture... So, whenever my internal monologue takes a wrong turn, I am going to think of that guy. I am going to pretend that my own diatribe is actually coming out of his mouth, which will hopefully rouse my inner optimist to point out the POSITIVES of such a scenario.

2. Write it down/get it out. I once read an account of someones experience in a mental institution; they recalled the only things in their room were an unmade bed, a blank notebook and a pen. Writing can be so therapeutic. Sometimes when I am truly frustrated someone, I write a letter I don't (really) plan on sending. Without fail, about half-way through I always realize how ridiculous my initial annoyance was, and that letter gets dragged to the (unsent) draft box.

3. MOVE. It's kind of amazing how the act of walking can clear my head. If I am ever really and truly grumpy, there is no better fix than this. At first my mind might be racing with stressful thoughts, but soon I'll be paying attention to my surroundings, the rhythm of my steps, and pretty soon I'll lose track of whatever it was that was bothering me.

Of course, this is not a fail proof plan, nor am I expecting (or suggesting) that I should suddenly become some sort of stoic who feels embarrassed by having an off day. Life is filled with off days, and being a new parent (amongst other things) can be particularly rocky--- it's comforting to know we aren't alone in those struggles. This effort is really just about trying to find a healthier balance between positive and negative, and to appreciate the small things I so easily forget to acknowledge. I'll keep you posted on how this little experiment unfolds.

Design Projects

Ben and I are moving... again! Finding an apartment has been really stressful; turns out DC (rental) real estate is just as (if not MORE) outrageous than NY. The only upside is that you tend to get more bang for your buck. After a million discussions/debates/a few rental applications, we finally agreed that it made the most sense to move back to our old neighborhood. Chevy Chase DC is a super strange place, if it existed in NYC it would undoubtedly be discovered and co-oped by hipsters who reveled in its almost frozen (mid 90's) existence. I mean the place has a fully functioning video store (one that we frequented often), and an old diner that plays The Graduate on an outdoor projector in the middle of July. It also has quite a few characters, and a small town feel on the edge of the City. It's a little strange to be moving further away from the 'action,' but I think Charlie will have an utterly charming babyhood in this idyllic little hamlet, and Ben and I will be saving enough money to take more trips up north.

The only thing we like about moving is the potential for another design project. Our studio apartment in  Brooklyn was kind of a major triumph; the perfect blend of our two personalities. Designing a 'nursery' for Charlie before he was born proved harder than I anticipated. I chose a lot of boyish cliches, feeling overwhelmed by the prospect of dealing with a real life boy every day. Now that Munch is here, and I know him a little better... It's really exciting to start anticipating all the different directions we can go in with HIS room... And this time I am hoping it actually becomes his room!